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if there's an emergency, sound the hron of urgency and summon the Huntsman
Into action is his cry

and now, its a nonsense poem:
(OH -, I, I forgot over even to this concert with it so somehow go was nervous, I --- had invited, around along to go had it Air Force, the weekend... however I deviate), so then were adjusted, the Plot (loaded this my life or bloody 90210) thickens, well me to think that the agreement with it wished straight a constant friend was hopeless and it did not constitute, whom. And there I was like that bang! - Insta friend! Add simply water (or Wodka, like the case to be can). I hate to seem hardened over it but the complete thing was quite stupid. It exercised me and I relented. I think that it catches a case of Sally, after one while from the feeling was, which is uninteresting I, was straight lucky that someone "really like(d) I"! Plus, even then I carried out that I began to like --- and was frightened I, in order to permit it. Thus I looked for protection in a relationship, in which I knew that I was wished. I thought "well, possibly I could form it for work..." Bumsen I knows well now, if I think that quite away from the blow he will not happen. They cannot form fairly someone for love, because them seem like the right thing to do. They cannot falsify feelings.

The expurgated version (the one without the gannet)

I am throwing away mass shit, putting my past behind me and starting anew…putting my behind in my past as they say in the Lion King, hakuna matata…here are a few keepers in otherwise stupid and/or depressing journals…

From “All About Me” (a question and answer book) circa 2000

Lucky Number: 252

A smell that makes you pause: farts

A taste that makes you melt: chocolate

A hobby that occupies your time: Reading

A sport you enjoy playing: I should find one

Favorite movie: The Fisher King

Favorite Director: Terry Gilliam
Favorite Actress: Meg Ryan
Favorite Actor: Samuel L Jackson

Your motto: Life is what you make it

Favorite cologne: Ralph Lauren Romance for men

If you could afford it you would buy: video-editing software

You collect: Monty Python and Star Wars stuff

What religion where you raised with: Lutheran

You most spiritual moment: Grace Cathedral, bagpipes playing amazing grace, rose petals falling from the ceiling, me unable to sing along as about to burst into tears

Death is: incredibly painful for those left behind

Most beautiful childhood memory of your parents: vacationing at the lake
Most horrifying childhood memory of your parent: when dad got sick

3 traits you look for in a friend:

Honesty- they don’t try to impress people w. bullshit
You could confide in them and feel secure that they would not tell
Fun to be around…sense of humor

Favorite childhood toys/games:
Tape recorder (making up shows)
Barbie
Star wars figures
Hot wheels
Cabbage patch


Dream: to be satisfied with my life
It you had the talent and opportunity you would: be an actress
Something you wish you could learn w/ a snap of your fingers: to sing and sound good
Something you wish you could change about your self: more confidence, enthusiasm, drive, and strength… less emotional

When u r happy you need: nothing else!
When u r sad u need: someone to comfort me just by being there
When u r in love u need: not to be so goddamned neurotic
Your greatest fear about aging: just that the world is going to get uglier and uglier

Choose one existing movie or book title that defines you: women on the verge of a nervous breakdown

Movie or book title that defines your life: the incredibly strange creatures who stopped living and became mixed-up zombies

Movie song or book title that best describes your relationships: song lyric – “she obliterated everything she kissed”- Hole

If you could change anything about the world: people wouldn’t be so mean to each other
If you could be famous for anything, you would like it to be for: writing a good book
If you could change your physical appearance: smaller nose and better chin

If you could start all over: I would


Song lyric: Group Therapy

You say you have no future
Say your life’s a joke
Fixing things takes effort
It’s easier being broke

Chorus: everything in life’s so bad, quit blaming your mom and dad

Feeling blue? Well here’s a pill
There is no way, but there’s a will
Let’s finger-paint, and when we’re done
We’ll dance-depression can be fun!



A poem for TD

Your heart is closed to everyone; you will not let me in
I think that you prefer to lose…
It’s much harder to win
Do you only feel safe in your own skin
When you are drunk and angry?
Is it easier for you?
Hating things the way you do-
Sometimes I think you hate me too
We hurt each other daily.

Another "poem"(was for TD but could easily be for be for KT…wow, what a shitty pattern)

Alcohol, cigarettes?
There are faster ways to kill you
You think I don’t notice, but I do
I can’t stand the pain
No matter what I say, I can’t help you
Your liver will kill you if you let it.

Why did you give up?
Will I carry this pain around in my heart forever?
Do you know how much your words hurt?
I feel like your already gone
A child in a grown up body
My fair-weather friend
Would you find me more entertaining if I was out of control, too?
Skinned your elbows like a little boy
No mommy to kiss it and make it better
Would you let her?
You don’t let me
Fuck you for making me think you would.

Cajun Man Song
Undisputed observation
Interstate preoccupation
Automatic payment nation
Pending a hallucination
Based on the investigation
Unfulfilling situation
Distributing some frustration
Interrupting conversation
Premature ejaculation
Save yourself humiliation
A strange tingling sensation
Demanding an explanation
Very bad miscalculation
No instant gratification
A long distance dedication
Desiring evacuation



7/22/99
?'????, ????? ? ???????? ? ????? all of them, ?? ??? ?????????, ????, ??? ?????? ????? ?????? ????????? ? ?????? hootchie-mama. ? ??????????? ??? ????? ????? ??????? ??????????? ??? ??? ???? ?????????? ????????? ????, no matter how ?????? ? ?????????? ??? ????? ????, ??????? ????? ?? ??? ?????... ???, ????? ???? ????????? ??????????? ? ??? dick ????????? ??????????. ?????? ? dude yoga ?????? ?????? ???????????????? ?? ??????, ??????? ? ????????? ?????? ??????? ??? ??????????? ?????? ???????? ??????????, ????????????? ??????? ???????? ?? ???????. ????? ????? coworker ?????????? ?????, ??????? tits, ?????? ?????????, ?????? ???????? ? cutesy kerchief poo ?? ?? ???????. Theyguy ????? ?????? goddamn ? ????? Tex Avery. ?? ??? ? ?????? ???????????, ?????? ???? ???????? ????? ????? ???????, ????? ? ?? ?????, ??????? ???????? ??? ????? ?????? ???? ?? catty ? snide ? ?????? ???????? ????? ????? ?? ??????. ? ???? ? ?????? ??????? ???-?????? ? ??, ??, ?? ?????? ??? ??????? ???? ??????? ???????. ? ????; ???????, ??? ??? ???? pathetic ??? ???? ???????? ??????? ??????? ????? ????? ????? ??? ? ????? ????? ? ?????? ??? ? ??????????? ??? ?. ??? ??? ??? annoying ??? ? ??????? ??????? ??????? ????, ????? ?? ??????? ?????? bat ???? ????? ? ???????? ???? tits ???.



Episode VII- in which it become readily apparent that I am either a mean beotch or at least crazy. :
1/30/00
when I started writing this voluminous tome (well, at least the last part of it) I was in the middle of a strange situation. Now I’m in the middle of another situation entirely. It’s odd when your life changes so rapidly that you don’t even have the time to write the shit down. Well, I will try and continue now…what happened was ------Wenn ist das Nunstrück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
mir, zum auf ein Datum zu seiner Freundhochzeit zu gehen, bevor das Konzert wir bis weitergehen (OH-, vergaß ich, ich über gleichmäßiges zu diesem Konzert mit ihm so irgendwie gehen nervös war, hatte ich ---- eingeladen, um entlang zu gehen hatte er Luftwaffe, die Wochenende... aber ich abschweifen), so dann eingestellt wurden, verdickt der Plot (ein geladen diesem meinem Leben oder blutigen 90210), gut mich denken, daß das Abkommen mit ------ er gerade wünschte hoffnungslos eine unveränderliche Freundin war und es nicht ausmachte, wem. Und dort war ich so Knall! - Insta-Freundin! Addieren Sie einfach Wasser (oder Wodka, wie der Fall sein kann). Ich hasse, über ihn verhärtet zu scheinen, aber die vollständige Sache war recht dumm. Sie übte mich aus und ich relented. Ich denke, daß es ein Fall von Sally auffängt, nach einer Weile vom Gefühl war, das ich uninteressant ist, war gerade glücklich daß jemand "wirklich like(d) ich"! Plus, sogar dann verwirklichte ich, daß ich zu wie ---- begann und ich erschrocken wurde, um es zuzulassen. So suchte ich Schutz in einem Verhältnis, in dem ich wußte, daß ich gewünscht wurde. Ich dachte "gut, möglicherweise ich könnte es Arbeit bilden..." Bumsen gut jetzt ich weiß, wenn ich denke, daß recht weg vom Hieb er nicht geschehen wird. Sie können nicht Liebe gerecht sich bilden jemand, weil sie wie die rechte Sache scheint zu tun. Sie können nicht Gefühle fälschen.
And then blah blah I went on and on about ---- in sappy I have no clue about men detail . That lasted 2 years. Or maybe it was one and a half? And the hits just keep on coming…


“my dog has no nose!”
“how does he smell?”
“AWFUL!”

2/10/00

I want to have fun. Crazy fun, like the kind we had in high school. Kid fun. I want to not worry about shit. This, I figure, is why I love Disneyland, movies, cartoons and crazy music. It’s an escape from reality. So the question is, is it unhealthy? Some people have their Jack Daniel’s, I have my Little fuckin’ Mermaid. ADA- Arrested Development Anonymous.

2000

Dear Diary,

I have discovered that you can't always get what you want. But if you try, sometimes you just might find you get what you need. Or was that the Rolling Stones?

Here is a poem I wrote called Office Drones:

People milling by
Headed somewhere
Do they want to be there
Is it just a living
Is it a passion
A suit and tie or is it fashion
Do they like their coworkers
Or loathe them in secret
Are they filled with regret
Do they feel appreciated
Or undervalued and forgotten
Do they worry all night or not very often
Should they have followed another path
Do they go home and cry
Hate their life and want to die
Or go home and rejoice
That work is over for another day
Do they think about 401k
Or stealing money
Or running wildly into the street
Working to put foot on the table and shoes on their feet
Do they dream of starting their own company
Being in charge and being the boss
Would that be a benefit or a loss
Is their CEO respectable or a selfish coward
Instructing their minions to do their dirty work
Smiling in your face while acting like a jerk
Will it ever end
Will it ever get better
Should I update my resume and cover letter

2/27/97

I'll like make a list of stuff that I like and stuff (in no order or logical sensible kind of a way):

Pancakes with butter and suger
German Pancakes mom makes
Chocolate chip pancakes from IHOP

Apparently I am obsessed with pancakes...let me take a breath....mmm....not something else

Tim Roth, he is so attractive for some reason
My Family
My Kitties
And the doggies too
My friends past and present. Well, some of them, anyway.
Mr T. Manly, yes, but I like him too.
Disneyland
My shoes
Hugo Boss cologne
Cartoons
Round Table Pizza
Raw cookie dough
Spritz cookies at Christmas

Now I am off on a tangent again!

Sleeping
Men (some are jerks but they're darn good lookin')
Movies
Terry Gilliam movies
Movies that have Tim Roth in them
Irish Spring, it's fresh, it's blue, and you'll like it too!
Seasoned Curly fries
dancing
Taking pictures
The Who
Chocolate
Floating on Blue Lake
Singing (thought I do it badly)
Kissing
Laughing at stupid things
Watching a movie I love over again and knowing the lines by heart
Queen
Kiss of the Spider Woman
Speaking with an english accent

Tess and Toby

Posted by: kookychick252

Tess and Toby

MY CD PLAYLIST ...for being stranded on a desert island*...

The Who-Who's Next
my favorite album from my favorite rock n' roll band. If I was forced to pick a favorite, that is. You gotta love that cover, too!

Willie Nelson-20 Greatest Hits (and some that will be)
it makes me nostalgic because we used to listen to this in the car on trips to the lake when I was little. This, and Kenny Rogers, and Elvis-Aloha from Hawaii via Satellite! Hunka-hunka burnin' love! Also Kris Kristofferson ...and the Star is Born soundtrack with him and Barbra Streisand. She's annoying at times but that dorky soundtrack is like buttah. Like a big stick of buttah!

The Process- End Times
I love this band! Click their name to see my page of Process-worship!
They are from Ukiah which is in California and not too far from the lake where we would vacation (see above, or if you want to see the lake rent "Magic" a film with Anthony Hopkins, it's filmed there. The lake is called Blue Lake and is actually quite green, but I digress...) I love the Process because they are punk without having the snobby elitist punk attitude some punks have. And they kick ass. If you like punk rock find this CD- you will be very happy! It is really one of my very favorites.

Fleetwood Mac- The Dance
I used to hate Fleetwood Mac, now I dig 'em. Must be gettin' mellow in my old age. I don't usually care much for live albums either, but... I'm getting kinda goofy these days

The Damned-Eternally Damned
kind of a greatest hits type dealy, there. A nice meaty one with 20 songs! I was finally able to locate their CD, Strawberries, after much pissing and moaning on my part. Thank you, Mel, who emailed me with a tip- Netsounds- a UK-based website where you can locate hard-to-find music. I found the offical Damned site...more updates and stuff than on the link above.

Hole- Live Through This
a lot of people hate Courtney Love. Some believe crazy conspiracy theories about her. These people maybe have a screw loose somewhere. Or maybe I do. Anyhoo, this is what I would call a great PMS album. I liked Celebrity Skin too, so sue me. Additionally when I'm in an angry chick mood, I like to listen to Fiona Apple. Back off, all of ya!

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers-Greatest Hits
"yeah, man when I got that little girl standin' right by my side you know I can tell the whole wide world to shove it!" Good song, eh?

Misfits-Walk Among Us
My current favorite band. I love this album, how'd I ever get by without it? I sing along to this in the car every stinkin' day almost. Here's another Misfits site (albeit without Glenn Danzig... sing -along:"muh-thurrrr") there's a goofy video of "Monster Mash" on it! Kind of odd...

Creedence Clearwater Revival-Chronicle
so it's another greatest hits thing. Well see it's a desert island,.. While I'm at it let me just say Queen-greatest hits, Bowie-the Singles, and Ramones Mania, okey-doke? Hey I'm just an average gal not a critic trying to impress people. Throw me a frickin' bone here.

Social Distortion- Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell
in addition to being a great album, it was excellent when I was all sulky and moping about my ex-boyfriend. I'm totally through with that lame phase and still I dig this album a really lot. Another ex-boyfriend introduced album which stood the test of time is: The Pogues- Rum, Sodomy and the Lash. Lose the guy, keep the albums... not a bad deal all in all. "There's a glass of punch below your feet and an angel at your head"

Grease-and in a similar vein: The King and I, Kiss of the Spider Woman, and the Rocky Horror Picture Show -ya gotta have some show tunes to sing to. There are occasions when I turn into a show tunes fiend for no particular reason. I'm also subject to outbreaks of disco-nostalgia. Possibly I was a drag queen in a former life...

Cyndi Lauper- She's So Unusual
It's true- when the workin' day is done, girls just want to have fun. The woman who inspired me to chop up my Barbies' hair and color it with Magic Marker! She didn't get as much play as Madonna, but I love her, dammit!

Blur- Parklife
fuhgeddabout Girls and Boys and their later hit "woo-hoo" song. I love the laid-back songs and goofy songs on this album and I especially love to sing along in my corny fake British accent.

Toad the Wet Sprocket- Dulcinea
"Paul is makin' me nervous..." this is a super relaxin' poppy thang we used to listen to when I worked in a chain music/video store. I heard it so much that it grew on me like a mellow fungus. Plus I gotta give "props" to anyone whose band name is a Python reference.

*hopefully it's a desert island with a power supply...

June 18 1998
The twins are here! The twins are here! …Ena had the babies today. She had to get a C-section because Jace was “stressing” as they call it. I guess basically Jill was getting more of the blood supply and Jace was getting too little. So she was anemic and they had to take her to the special care nursery. And she is getting a blood transfusion tonight. And then she should be fine. We didn’t get to see Jace, well- except for Ena and Roland, but we all got to see Jill. And hold her. She’s so tiny and bright red and adorable. When I held her she was fussy because she was all bound up in the receiving blanket and she wanted something to put in her mouth. So she wriggled her tiny little hand free and started sucking on her fingers. It cracked me up- her tiny little fingers and baby nails, teeny little manicure. Oh I swear, if I ever have one of my own I am going to be a nervous worried mommy. I’ll be like Aurora at the beginning of Terms of Endearment. I don’t know how I’ll ever do it; I can feel myself being paranoid already. If the magic ring trick we did at Ena’s shower is correct I’d be having girl, boy girl.

Oh yeah, I also got another job, I hope it’s cool. I am too tires to go into the details right now, plus I haven’t even started yet- so let me just end by pledging I WILL NEVER AGAIN DATE ANYONE THAT I WORK WITH UNDER ANY CIRCUmTANCES NO MATTER WHAT. * and hopefully that will keep me safe and may I repeat that every morning like a Stuart Smalley affirmation because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and you know what? Chicken butt! Ain’t no woman like the One-eyed Gott..
*that resolution lasted approximately one year!


June 29th 1998
Had a big scare last Thursday. The doctor called and said that Jace had tested positive for a rare disease, galactosemia, and he made it sound so bad. So we were panicking, crying, so scared. He said that they couldn’t test her again to be sure for like 4 months on account of the blood transfusion. But they could test Ena and Roland to see if they were both carriers. So they did that one Friday. I was praying to God that if He had to take anyone, take me. Don’t hurt the baby. I was so sad and spiraling into “why does this always happen to our family” etc. Which lasted through Friday, and then Saturday they got the tests back and they were both negative! Which means Jace was a false positive because it’s impossible for the child to have it if both parents are negative. God smiled on us that day.

April 14th 1999

Anyhooo- so yeah, I’m supossed to (learn how to spell) start writing in my journal again, three pages every morning. So why, pray tell, is it that I’m writing this at 6:02 pm? Parce-que je suis suffering from UTI-like symptoms ALL LAST NIGHT and so this morning I was tres tres fatigue this morning. Aujord-hui or something. So I’m writhing I mean writing this now. So sue me. Oh- by the way I a so freakin’ tired that I wrote “this morning” twice in the same sentence on the page before. I’m a compulsive proofreader, what can I say. There are worse things to be, I’m sure. I keep thinking that I should study French again cause I still remember some of it…. Still, I’d rather learn Italian like that lovely and fabulous Roberto Benigni. I need to see that movie again. I hope I can before they pull it. I can only remember one line in Italian “bongiorno princepessa!” so I know that, and the names of some food. Off to a good start. Speaking of food, at Stacy’s birthday at TGIfriday’s I ate 3 pieces of calamari. That was my first time. Daring? Not really, considering that I had 2 Long Island’s beforehand. So anyway, a fun time had by all. At the party I mean, you know, I really like older people better. My sister’s ages and up. That is probably why I had so much fun, may I also pose this question: is it shallow to be bothered by the fact that someone with as much $ as Steve has such hideous taste in décor? And can afford to buy a huge TV and yet is unclear on the concept of DVD’s ( he thought you can only watch it once, then throw it away. Huh? I think they had something like that once, for rental purposes, but that didn’t catch on for obvious reasons.) These questions and many others will be answer in a much later edition of “Asinine Journal Entries of J.G”
So, as I’ve written slightly more than the specified 3 pages, I shall retire to a game of Super Mario and leave you with this pearl of wisdom “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers” Randall in Clerks. Which is true of every job I’ve had with the exception of PDR where you could substitute “boss” for “customers”.


May 4th, 1999

Had a sudden urge to write- it passed.
Ah well.
Sittin here at Rachel’s office.
Here early.
Couldn’t get out of work fast enough today- BORING!
Able only to write in sentence fragments.
I hope Rachel doesn’t ask me to share my journal entry since she’s just witnessed me writing in it. Then she will know for sure what a SLACKER I am! “no McFly ever amounted to anything!”

May 11th 1999

At work, at lunch, bored out of my skull as usual. I just had to ask about 12 people if we had any more t.p. How embarrassing. I didn’t even need it personally, it was just that I had used the last we had upstairs and was trying to be considerate to the next person.
I’m in my car eating an apple with one hand and writing with the other. It is hot in here. I want to go home. 3 ½ more hours.
Family reunion this weekend. Next weekend- birthday. We’re going to a club called Polly Esther’s, should be fun. Someday I will have to go fight my way into that damn Star Wars prequel.

Yo! Yo! Yo! Wassup? What was my problem? It is now JUNE 30TH 1999 some facts to katch u up
1. Polly Esther’s was fun fun fun til her daddy took her t-bird away.
2. I have- you better sit down for this- MOVED INTO MY OWN APARTMENT! Am currently living ON MY OWN! Holy schnikees! Man oh Maneshevitz!

So it is pretty cool- as I wrote to Cora it is just like Laverne and Shirley after Shirley married that guy in the body cast. “Surely you can be serious” I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.
Only thing that sucks is the dude that lives below me plays his TV friggin’ LOUD! He’s got surround sound or something, which is cool for a movie or something, but he is only watching the Simpsons for cryin’ out loud! Throw me a frickin’ bone here!
Oooh speaking or cool movies, it’s all about Episode I baby! Keep it real up in the field, ah-ight! I was so happy, pathetic but true, that Episode I was good. It made me feel just like a kid again, what a rare and wonderful feeling.
Cock a doodle do said the rooster that lives behind me. Noisy bastard. Well, he is quieter than the neighbor, at least.